like the days of summer.

And you don't know how hard I've tried
To convince to myself that I can easily forget.
But you left this feeling here inside me,
One that never fails to find me.

I won't lie,
I still can't say that I admit we went too far.
And you won't see me change my mind,
But I really wish that I could forget the way you are.
But you left this feeling here inside me,
The battle in my mind still fights me.

^Rainy Monday - Shiny Toy Guns (on repeat for today)





I need to do my homework!
Why do I do this?!

But suddenly, I find I really miss the old days.

Kesiree's facebook status as "misses the luther days", and I can honestly say I don't miss Luther Jackson at all, I hated that school.
But those days...
I guess mostly, I just wanted to state how much I miss Kesiree. The band people were telling me about how they saw her at the Oakton Classic, and Calvin was like "Kes gives the best hugs!" and I remembered her hugs.
And I remember zS and HEY HELLO ELLO and walzing on soup and violent printers and broken stereotypers.
I remember Nancy Drew and late nights at Oakton, rolling down hills and earth earth and Nottoway park and our skateboards and sitboarding, Mrs. Jimison and the days spent at her restaurant...the smell of her restaurant. The smell of her house.
Rituals with Calvin and Chau, on her deck; candles and green tea and The Lion Sleeps Tonight.
Our pyromaniac phase; the spinning wheel of fire (merry-go-round) and the discovery of how flammable rubber cement was, putting it on fire hydrants, burning pine cones and pine needles.
I remember the time I built and painted an ocelot for her. When we went to an Oakton football game and everyone complimented our boards. When we stayed out til 2 AM in the middle of the road singing "Untitled" by Simple Plan. I was with her when Steve Irwin died. She was with me when I broke my collar bone. The nights we organized for watching the Redskins game or the High School Musical 2 premiere or Kid's Choice Awards or just any movie we'd rent from blockbuster. Like, American Haunting?
Milkis and that other Asian drink I liked...and Joint Juice? xD
I remember staying out with her in the cold, when I wouldn't be able to handle it and she'd be just fine. I don't know how she put up with me.
Or when we'd pretend to be "drug dealing", when we were really only passing smarties back and forth.
All the considerate things she did for me.
All the times we had together.
Maybe it's creepy that I feel this way, but I'm tired of caring.
We never really were the type of best friends other kids were, taking millions of photos and hugging constantly and telling each other we loved each other, barely acknowledging the fact that we WERE best friends. I regret this now, because she needed to know how much I loved her.
How much I miss her now :\

I think everyone deserves to know how much I love them!
I don't let this out enough.
I don't let people know how much I care sometimes.
I'm bad with that.

I feel I'm not considerate enough.
So selfish.
I don't realize the things I could do, when they're constantly right in front of me.


I'm sorry.
I love you guys ;___;




This is a short post, so I'll be coming back to add more later.


-edit-

Lately I find many of my friends read my blog, compliment my blog, or mention my blog in some way. Like Vincent and Melissa told me that they feel like writing a blog themselves when they read mine. Some say it makes them think. Tiff said my views of the world are amazing, or something? Calvin said he tried to see the world from my point of view, or something? And when I told Sam that I get sad whenever I get near the end of a post because I don't want it to be over, she said she felt that same way when she reads mine, and Calvin agreed and says my posts ought to be longer. Kevin said he feels he knows more about me from my blog than from our relationship in real life.
But as I'm sure I've stated many times, I'm afraid I'll bore you if I continuously write blogs nearly everyday and they're all very long.
Hearing/reading these things makes me happy.
Thank you :]

I've also realized that when I'm not feeling too great, it's not art or writing (like everyone would expect) that makes me feel the best, it's singing or baking (which you might expect anyway).


Calvin Lin Trend: I've never been the first to tell someone else that I like them. And I don't tell people who I like if I don't suspect the person I like likes me back. It embarrasses me, for some reason? xD