only you can stop this stuttering.

so kiss me again,
and ease my suffering.
I know it's so symbolic of everything;
everything that's wrong with me and you.
So, tell me what I'm supposed to do.




I think that a lot of people that don't realize how much I care about them, because I'm not good at expressing it. I don't usually give compliments or show appreciation in the way I should. So, just to let you know, I probably care more than it may seem. More than you may know. Really.

...There's so much I need to get off my chest.

Okay, first of all, I'm sorry.
That "sorry" doesn't apply to any one person in particular. More like a sorry for everyone I know. All of my friends and family. Yes, that means you as well. Just everyone. I've been being a bad person. A bad friend. And I'm sorry.
Don't tell me that there's nothing I should be sorry to you for, because trust me, I have my reasons. Many of them. Which maybe only I know. For each of you.

Also, I think I might be falling slowly back into depression. Like I said two posts ago, don't ask me why, because I don't know the answer. There's no real reason. I think most people would understand when I say that sometimes, when you just think about it enough, life starts to seemingly have no real point. It's true though. You begin to wonder why you exist, and lose sight of any reason to. When you spend more time feeling upset and sad than the rare moments of happiness, the good things in life begin to feel like they're not worth it. The good portion of life isn't large enough to make up for the pain that occurs so much more often.

I love being back home. I didn't realize how much I missed everything about it. My mom, my dog, my friends, going out, good food, familiarity, security...

I also didn't realize how much I miss certain friends. Like Kevin, who I saw today, and I haven't seen in like months. I used to consider him one of my best friends, but he goes to Oakton. We plan to hang out A LOT more. Hopefully, we do ^^
I miss Jonah too. We used to be so close...I wonder if he misses it too. I doubt it. Or at least not as much as I do.

Does anyone even read my blog anymore..? xDDD
Besides Calvin, of course. Haha.
One of the things I love most about Calvin is that I have this odd form of confidence with him. I don't feel like a waste of time and space with him. I feel comfortable. And I can act conceited, sometimes, because I'm so aware he cares. Like, I really know it for sure. With everyone else in the world, I can never feel that certain about their feelings toward me. I am always convincing myself that I'm such a burden; an annoyance. That no one wants to have anything to do with me. I hate to sound like a bitching attention whore, but it really is how I see myself. I hate asking favors and inviting myself places because of it. I feel as if everyone just takes pity on me. What's so special about me? But with Calvin, it's different. With him, I rarely think that way...it's the only reason I can be open with him, is because I don't feel like as much of a bother to him, particularly. That's the reason not many people know a lot about me, is because I worry too much that they don't want to know. You might think you know a lot, but you really could not possibly know even half the things Calvin does. xD
He says he holds the key to my survival.
Sometimes, I believe that has a chance at being true..

That's not even close to all the things I need to let out. Haha, but I'm tired.
Daylight Robbery - Imogen Heap
^creds to Tiff for recommending that song! :DD


Sincerely, me.