if you can hold on, hold on.

I wanna stand up,
I wanna let go;
You know, you know-
No, you don't, you don't.
I wanna shine on in the hearts of men,
I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand.
Another head aches,
Another heart breaks;
I'm so much older than I can take.
& my affection; well it comes and goes.



I'M SO HAPPY. I'm not exactly sure why. It was all very sudden and random and for no reason whatsoever. But it's great. :] I feel like maybe I could never even consider commiting suicide ever again~
It's nice.
Death is one of the last things on my mind right now. :D
I LOVE LIFEEEEEEEEEE.
I was walking my dog at midnight and decided to sit down on the sidewalk. Then I just fell back and looked up at the light of a lamp post. And I closed my eyes and I just enjoyed everything...I took in everything that I've been missing out on. Why did I want so much to end my life before? Why didn't I realize all that I had to live for?

....Okay, this is a bit too overdramatic, no? I'm only 14, my life's barely begun -_-
This is what adolescence does to humans. They feel lost and broken and as if the world revolves around them and they make everything seem like a much bigger deal than anything could possibly be. "Teenagers scare the living shit out of me." =]

Haha, so anyway. PROJECT RUNWAY SEASON 5 AIRED TODAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
SO HAPPY. :DDDD
AND AUSTIN SCARLETT GUEST-STARRED! I LOVE HIM.
No joke, first episode I had ever seen of project runway ever, I was absolutely hypnotized.
He's so amazing! Favorite project runway designer everrr :]
I want to buy the first season on DVD just to watch him again! AND THEY ELIMINATED HIM FOR BEING TO "GLAMOROUS." How stupid of them >:|

Austin Scarletttttt<3


I was looking at: http://www.itwasmeteors.com/index.html
[Sam randomly found it while stumbling]
and it inspired me to begin drawing again~
When I realized.
There is so close to nothing in my mind...there's so little that I can ever come up with.
I'm so fucking uncreative, it drives me up the wallllllllll.
No imagination.
Not to sound conceited, but I'll admit I do have talent at both art and writing. But I have nothing in my head to work with. So empty.

Though I'm not returning to suicidal anytime soon, the other day I did feel this way:
[it's an excerpt from the book I'm reading; Slaughterhouse-Five; and I feel like it corresponds to exactly the way I felt.]
"Billy Pilgrim, was turning to steam painlessly. If everybody would leave him alone for just a little while, he thought, he wouldn't cause anybody any more trouble. He would turn to steam and float up among the treetops."
I couldn't explain it myself, but that's almost a perfect description.
Barely there.
Non-existent.
As if I could just evaporate...or melt away.

BUT I'M FEELING ECSTATIC NOW!
GO LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEE~


Walking After Midnight - Patsy Cline
Hahahaha, I've been listening to a lot of her lately..late 50s/early 60s, I think? How odd of me...I used to listen and sing to her all the time when i was little ^^