leaving so soon?

So Christmas is over.

Let's go through how it went, alright?
-Woke up @ noon
-Read some of A Wolf at the Table
-Uncle came over
-Ate rice & fish
-Fell asleep
-Was forced to take family Christmas photos [because apparently, my grandmother is going to go back to Vietnam soon and I'll never see her again]
-Opened presents
-Aunt & her boyfriend & other friend came over
-Peter Pan Buffet
-Went home and played around with my new turntable
-Tyson's to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
-We were too late for the first time and had to wait like two hours, so I took a nap in the kid's playground area on the third floor
-Movie; went home

And then once it passed midnight, and became today-
I was conversing with my mother, asking her if I could go to the mall the next day, and then go to Sam's for musical night, and sleepover at Kesiree's and go to Tom's for the Christmas potluck dinner the next day. And I'd asked her several times before, and she'd been okay with it. But suddenly she kept saying I go out too much, when I haven't even been out at all since last weekend, regardless of it being winter break. I've been locked inside for days, and she has the nerve to say I'm out too much. She goes, "Two times too much," when I say that Friday and Saturday would only be two days. And my grandmother decides to jump into the conversation by saying that "What, you go out every weekend, you don't want to be home? You want to go live with your friends? You're never here," Blah blah blah. And my mom listens and takes her side, saying that I need to stay home at least one day. WHEN I'VE BEEN STAYING HOME.
I ask for two days where I don't have to listen to my family and do nothing all day. My mom says that I have to choose one day- Friday or Saturday- to go out. But I'm all, we've been planning musical night for weeks! And it's a Christmas party! These are two events that I, with all my heart, don't want to miss at all!
So I suggest, what if I don't sleepover with Kesiree & Erin, because that's something that can wait more than the others. And my grandmother starts talking about how it's not good for me to stay over at other people's houses because supposedly, they might just be saying that I can to be nice or because they can't say no. And I'm like, BUT SHE INVITED ME. And my mom, once again, listens to her and starts saying that I can't sleepover anywhere anymore because supposedly, I'm "too old."
And this just drove me crazy and I screamed that I didn't want to talk about it anymore, and walked away crying over everything that happened that day.

Family just makes me cringe. The thought of it.
Older people scare me out of my mind. They make me want to weep and tear my hair out.
Something's wrong with me.
And as I walked away from my mom and grandma, I could hear them talking about me in Vietnamese.
Like any other adolescent in America,
I can't wait to leave.



I don't even know if I want to do anything at all anymore, you guys.
The mall, the musical, the Hardy Boys, the potluck...
I don't know if I'd be up to any of it.
Fucking humans-


Shut up.
I'm so stupid...