What is wrong with me?
I feel worse than ever lately.
As if everyone hates me.
As if I should just stop trying.
As if there's no point anymore.
I am feeling very annoyed at this up and down thing. It's still going on.
Friday:
Subway with swim kids plus Tyler :]
I had a swim meet at Providence vs. Edison! We won in both girls and guys, and Tiff said I was pretty strong, but needed to not breathe so much. I hate having such weak lungs and short breath. D: My mom wants to test me for asthma, but I doubt I have it...maybe a really, really slight case. I have breathing issues. I can't even hold notes in songs -_-
So Friday as a whole was good.
Saturday:
Woke up around 8 for dryland practice, and Leah and Sam came home with me. I tried to bake eclairs, but failed. They were for Michael's birthday. We made a card and Leah bought a grapefruit for him as well. Sam called and he told us we could come over whenever we liked, but my mom didn't get home until like 5, and we didn't get there until like 7....and that's kind of my fault, but I warned Leah we wouldn't be able to go anywhere until my mom got home, because I had to watch my brother.
Turns out, by the time we got there, Michael, Kevin, Jesse, Liz and probably others were at the mall, about to watch a movie.
I still feel bad about that. Because had it not been for me, Sam and Leah would've been able to go to Michael's hours earlier, and what happened wouldn't have happened. As if I was holding them back; a burden.
So Michael's mom ended up driving us back to Sam's house.
On the way, I felt the saddest I had in quite a while. My lip quivered and I started tearing up, but I controlled myself. I just inhaled and exhaled and waited for my moist eyes to return to their normal state. But the tears kept forming again and again. I was so frustrated that I wouldn't get to see Michael on his birthday, of all days. Especially after I hadn't seen him in ages. I was so sad, and I don't even know why. I just thought about everything that had happened back when we were so close as friends and I just missed it immensely, more than I ever expected I would have..
Later, Sam's mother gave us a ride to Tina's to "sleepover", but we really just ended up going to Tom's around like 9 or 10 pm and stayed until like 7 am.
So Saturday as a whole was
-good [exercise & baking]
-bad [missing michael]
-good [tom's house!] day.
Sunday:
We were good kids, so we basically spent the whole time playing one game of Disney Scene It, playing some Taboo, and four games of Cranium.
So much fun! I love having, um, "innocent?" fun.
I really do :)
For Cranium, I was on a team with Tina and Jansen, and we won the first round, lost the second, and then we split up into teams of two, and Jansen and I were losing by a landslide, but made a brilliant comeback and won in one turn :D
And after Jansen and David left, we played with Tina & Sam vs. Tom & I, and we lost.
Afterward, I slept while they watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall...and slept again once we got back to Tina's, only to be awakened several times by Sam's phone xD
Sam and I walked back to her house kind of late, took showers and were off to pick up Calvin and Jansen, stop by my house and to the metro! [we were going to DC to view an exhibit at the National Gallery of Art for AP World extra credit]
On the metro, we got distracted and missed our stop, which worried me because it was almost 4 and I remembered that in the summer, the National Gallery of Art closed at 5 on a Saturday, and I thought it might close earlier since it was a Sunday? But apparently it closes later on Sundays?! x]
And Jansen accidentally left Calvin's stuffed animal pig on the other train and I felt really bad about him getting off our train and going back to the other one and separating from us and having to run in the cold alone...just for that pig. D:
So I was feeling very, very down.
When we got off the train, Sam was speaking to Anna on the phone and somehow, we [Sam, Calvin & I] ended up getting completely lost...and this just made me so frustrated for some reason. We were wasting so much time. I felt like we weren't going to make it, and I knew that if I told my mother that we didn't make it to the museum in time and the whole day was a waste and I'd have to go another day, she'd get so mad at me.
But then Anna told me that the gallery closed at 6, so we had time.
And I got to have my first gelato in four years :]
And everything was all better...
I guess?
I need to stop procrastinating.
To-Do List, perhaps?
-Consumer Literacy Project
-Finish my chemistry lab
-Finish "A Wolf at the Table"
-Read "Ender's Game"
-Driver's Ed Current Event and Signs [I forgot to turn in]
-Driver's Ed DMV Manual Test Project
-Catch up on my algebra homework [which I haven't done any of]
-Buy a new battery for my camera
-Get 5 boxes of doughnuts sold
-Find someone to donate for the swim-a-thon
-Finish buying christmas gifts [there are four more to go]
-Bake the brownies I owe
-Write my AP World extra credit paper
-Get a haircut
CLT: Reading a book turns me into a new person every time. Very few books will fail to make me cry. Books mean a lot more to me lately than usual. I want to read as much as possible in a lifetime. I love feeling knowledgeable when it's solely due to a book I've read- for example: the other day I saw the name "Amadeus" and knew it referred to Mozart because it was Mozart's middle name. I wouldn't have known this if it weren't for the fact that two days ago, I'd finished Lottery by Patricia Wood, which included a quote by Mozart in the epilogue, and stated his full name :D
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