every little piece, love.

& when you find
verything you've looked for,
I hope your life
leads you back to my front door.



Is it normal to worry that everyone talks about you behind your back, but you have no idea they're doing so?
I bet they do.
I know some have.

I hope terribly that people trust me and feel they can come to me when they need anything. I think I'm pretty trustworthy. Am I trustworthy? Maybe not. Hmmm.
Because, to me, and I put major emphasis on the "to me", because plenty of people probably won't agree.
To me, being nice and generous, giving and donating, helping others, being there for them, basically doing anything I can for the good of anyone else- that is the greatest satisfaction I know.
Like baking and giving my food to others.
Or buying someone a nice present, making them a good CD, writing them a well-made card or poem or anything like that. I'm just so incredibly ecstatic afterward.
That's why my favorite holiday is Christmas, because I am absolutely head over heels for the immense gift-giving that goes on. I love going Christmas shopping, deciding what to get people, and giving them all out once the day arrives...all this stuff I'm mentioning makes me just so happy. I don't know how to explain it anymore.
But sometimes I don't do this anyway. Sometimes I just end up taking what I can. Which is bad. But I'm only human. I think my intentions are pretty good though, I'd love to help you.
I can't imagine how great it'd feel to help, let's say, the world. What can I do to change the world?
What will I do to change the world?

I want to change the world.
[instead, I sleep...]

but Earvin thinks no human can change the world.
I disagree.
Highly.


Even more lately, I can't understand the concept of procrastination. If one had nothing to do, nothing at all, but were aware of things they should do, wouldn't they resort to finishing these tasks instead of wallowing in boredom and self-pity? APPARENTLY NOT. Why won't I just do my homework instead of sitting around killing precious time? I just. can't. will. myself. Who knows why. I'm sure I'm physically able to, but mentally? Perhaps not. There's really no reason to put off these things until the last moment. Why do we do this to ourselves? xD

My stomach hurts.
So lately, every time I laugh, something pangs. Even on occasion, breathing in too deeply hurts too. Sometimes it's down in the area of my abdomen, and others, where I think my heart is located, or my lungs. I wonder if this happens to everyone, and I'm just too weak to take it or full of complaint.
I wonder if anyone notices when I say "ow" when this happens, or stop breathing for a while, or pause in my actions and go blank from the pain...because this happened like three or four times today, but no one noticed.
I wonder if people remember me, because there have been so many people I get slightly acquainted with that don't recognize me in the least the next time we meet.
And you know, I'm sort of known to know everyone's birthday, but on my own birthday, about a third of my friends didn't even have a clue that the day had any other meaning than just some other Wednesday. This hurts, though insignificant, it has a lot of meaning to me, because I love birthdays. I consider them more important than most people do.
Mostly, I wonder what it is that I don't know.
What aren't you guys telling me?

I shouldn't expect so much, I know, but it's just, disappointment comes a lot easier than satisfaction.

Don't worry though, I'm feeling content enough with life at the moment. Sort of carefree.
`Cept for one certain person that's been getting on my last nerves, constantly making me feel like shit, or just a complete idiot, and insulting me. But maybe this is because I deserve it.


The whole above rant can be my Calvin Lin Trend Fact for the day. xD
I'm sure you didn't know all that...right?




Coming Home - The 88
^different, but I love these humble little folk-esque tunes with the perky acoustic guitar or choppy piano notes and the guy-whose-face-you-can't-imagine's sweet voice releasing those cute little lyrics. And of course, the la-la-la-ing or na-na-na-ing or pretty much just the plain ol' element of cheering people.
other examples of these types of songs include,
Hold Me Now - The Polyphonic Spree
Eyes - Rogue Wave
Catch My Disease - Ben Lee
You know what I mean? They all fit in the same category. So, stuff them in a box together and devour it.