no matter which way you go,

You're out of my mind,
out of my mind.
I was walking with a ghost-
I said, "Please, please don't exist."



Okay so yesterday, Napoliello [am I even spelling her name right? hahaha] gives us one of the hardest assignments I've probably ever gotten.

She gives us all an index card and says, "On it, I want you to write..." and she writes on the chalkboard:
-Your name
-Favorite word
So I did this. I wrote "obituary," because it was the first world that started me off in collecting my favorite words. I also like kiosk and extraordinaire. But I hate the word pinnacle. xD I don't like obituary for it's meaning, but I love saying it out loud. It was the first word I really liked, and a month or so after I decided I liked it, I watched Factory Girl, which is a movie about Andy Warhol and Edie Sedgwick, a model/icon he used for his movies & photography and as inspiration. I enjoyed it, and at the end there's a little clip, where Andy and Edie say:

Andy: I wonder if people are gonna remember us.
Edie: What, when we're dead?
Andy: Yeah.
Edie: I think people will talk about how you changed the world.
Andy: I wonder what they'll say about you...in your obituary. I like that word.
Edie: Nothing nice, I don't think.
Andy: No, no- c'mon. They'll say: Edie Minturn Sedgwick, beautiful artist and actress...
Edie: ...and all around the loon...
Andy: ...remembered for setting the world on fire...
Edie: ...escaping the clutches of her terrifying family...
Andy: ...made friends with eeeeverybody, and anybody...
Edie: ...creating chaos and uproar wherever she went. Divorced as many times as she married, she leaves only good wishes behind. *laughs* ...That's nice, isn't it?

It gave me the chills. You can watch it, if you want: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VC8Y2kwFtL0
And I fell in love with the fact that Andy said he likes the world obituary too :)
It's like the perfect scene. I love the music. I watched it over and over again.

So anyway, after we finished writing that, she also wrote up on the board:
-Sound you love
And at first I wrote "marble bouncing on a hard surface", because I do love that sound. But instead I wrote a "pipa [chinese musical instrument]" Most people should know what this sounds like, but if you don't, listen to Aqueous Transmission, by Incubus. Sam recommended it to me, and I fell in love with it, just like I did with that scene. That song is so ambitious. It's calming, and relaxing, and yeah, they're using a pipa. And probably some other Asian-esque instruments. The pipa gives me chills, just like that scene too. I love the sound of it. It sounds perfectly out of tune. What an oxymoron :D

Then, Napoliello wrote:
-Pet peeve
And wtf? I have so many pet peeves. Endless pet peeves. Probably some I haven't even discovered yet. I hate crushed ice. And talking on speaker phone. And when people say "sorry" over and over again, especially for things they shouldn't be sorry for. *COUGH COUGH* SAM *COUGH* Not that that became a pet peeve of mine because of you, I've always been annoyed when people do that, but meeting you just exercised my irritation. :D Anyway, I ended up writing "rudeness", and I didn't say so, but what I'd meant by that was, specifically, when students are rude to teachers. Or kids to parents. Or anyone who's rude to anyone older than them. This drives me up the wall. It's completely incomprehensible, to me.

& I kept thinking that was all, but she'd would just write another one, such as:
-Greatest wish
This one was a bit easier, because as I've written a few posts ago, I always knew that if I looked into the Mirror of Erised [from Harry Potter- if you don't know what it is, look at my post on August 10th], that I'd see myself in the past, probably with the Beatles. Or in the 80s. So I wrote, "time travel."

She writes below this, the hardest one:
-Who are you? (1 sentence)
And I really don't know who I am. I turned to Reggie and was like, "What?!" And he looked towards the board and had the same reaction as most of the people in the room. We started muttering and such, and Napoliello was all, "Shhh- don't talk." I had to think for a very long time, and at first I wrote "I am someone who doesn't know who she is." Then I was thinking about writing something like "I'm lost." or "I don't belong here.", but these were a bit too much, so I wrote "I am a coward and a mess." Because I think of myself as someone who's always afraid of nearly everything. And a mess pretty much sums up the idea of being lost, and irresponsible, and confused, and all that I am. I still don't think I answered this question though. I need to rethink. I think I faintly heard Reggie say "..an enigma...", but I'm not sure of what he actually wrote down as his answer. Afterwards, he said he wanted to have a better understanding of himself. I think after this, we were all thinking that same thing. Sasmit wrote, "I am what my words and actions make me to be.", or something close to that.

Really, after that one I thought we were done, because there was no more room on the board, but she go ahead and says out loud anyway:
"I'm just going to say this one, so listen up."
-What is the one thing you would change about yourself?
Also took a bit of thinking, and I was going to write "courage" or "bravery", but then I thought about how actually, I'm not afraid of most of the things people usually ARE afraid of. [i.e. bugs, heights, crossing the street..] So instead I wrote, "better memory", because I have one of the worst memories I know of. I think I have long-term memory loss, or something. I can't remember anything but birth dates and outfits. xD Anyway, after we'd turned it in, I wanted to change what I wrote the instant I set it on her desk. I realized I should've written "be more suave/urbane", because that would of covered the memory factor, but also include how clumsy and unorganized and lost I always am. Damn.

Jason told me, "Of course we'd change our minds about what we wrote afterwards. That was the whole point. I bet at the end of the year, she'll give it back to us and say, 'Now, is there anything you want to change?' I bet you she'll do that."

I really like her as a teacher. Some of the people in our class don't, but I do. She's gotten me thinking a lot. I think I'll learn a lot from her this year. :)

PreAP English is my 7th period, and after class ended, I walked to the gym lobby and was explaining the assignment to Sam, and when I brought up the "Who are you?" question, she said "dance!", because Calvin says you can find yourself by dancing. And I was all "Oh yeah! I should've been like, 'Excuse me for a second, please,' and gone out into the hall and danced until I knew the answer." hahaha :]

I ended up going to Sam's with Calvin and Earvin and we finally got to dance some xD But I still don't know myself. My goal this year is to discover who I am! ....Okay, no it's not, but I'll be sure to do so before I die :D
And we watched Rent, which was really good. It got me thinking about how I'd love to be Bohemian, rather than so ordinary and normal. I should be more unorthodox and different, but I don't really know how to do that. Or, I don't think I'd be accepted. I need to find some Bohemian friends. This is why I think I'd love art college, cause everyone'll be a bit on the odd side there :D
Hopefully, I come off as pretty different and unique right now, just the way I am. I try, in the way I dress, and my choice of words, and such.


The Saltwater Room - Owl City
I've found a lot of people have been into Owl City, lately.

Oh, and I've been very happy recently, for some reason.
...To tell you the truth, I think I might be developing feelings for a certain someone? :X