http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C__r7Rm5Tmg&feature=channel_page
^MY THIRD VIDEO CULMINATION YAY! :D

-EDIT-
Oi. Yesterday was not a good day.
I don't know why I'm feeling so down lately. When no ones around I always end up crying. When people are around I end up trying to hold something in, but what is there to hold in? What reason do I have to feel this way?
I was supposed to stay after for the play read-through, but my mom said I had to take the late bus and be home by five or I wouldn't be able to go out again. Hopefully I can stay again today, but I'll need a ride.
So I had to leave the read-through early, which made me feel bad...and then the bus ride was dreadful because my head was throbbing and my neck ached [and still aches] terribly for reasons I'm unsure of. My late bus bus stop is rather far from my house and it was just so cold yesterday...and I had to walk home alone, too.
I got home and my brother needed help with his homework, and he couldn't even figure out a truly simple problem. I asked him for two numbers that add up to 8, and he said 6 and 3 and it took him over a minute or two to figure out he was wrong. This made me so sad. My mom started yelling at me for not helping him properly, or something...and I went upstairs and just teared up inexplicably.
Later, I was really hungry/thirsty but I have nothing to eat/drink in my house, because it's all in the new house. But I didn't want to go to the new house because it was so cold.
After a few hunger pangs [I didn't have breakfast or a lunch either, besides half of Reggie's bread and two crackers] I decided I'd quickly run over just to make dry noodles and come back. So I did, but the oils were frozen, and the stove of the other house smelled miserably when I turned it on. The water never came to a boil, so it took a longgg time for the noodles to soften, and there were no scissors or knives so I had to open the oils with my hands and it got all over me and it took such a long time to get them open that they froze back up and I couldn't even get them into the bowl. And there was no drainer or anything...but I could live with that. I was sniffling from the cold, and my mom accused me of crying and tried to ask what was wrong, tried to talk about it. I told her nothing and she got angry again. She yelled each time I asked her where something was in the house. I asked then if I could go back to the other house, but then corrected myself, asking to go home. Then I grabbed a chocolate milk and ran back home. The back door to my house is not operable at the moment, the lock doesn't work, but it's impossible to open from the outside sometimes. I stood in the freezing cold for what felt like the longest time putting all my strength into trying to open that damned door, and I just ended up crying against the windowpane calling out loud to God, if he exists, to "Please stop this pain. Why are you doing this to me? What did I do wrong? What it was, I'm sorry for. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. Please stop it. Just help me. Let me not feel this way. Open the door. Let me in. Just let me in." But the door didn't dare budge, and I had to run out to the front of the house hoping the front door wasn't locked. Fortunately it wasn't. I walked to the back and opened the back door to retrieve my noodles, which were now also, close to frozen.

So I've been packing almost all day...and my favorite part about moving has always been finding lost items and papers I'd forgot about/been looking for!
I thought I'd go through these lost and found things with you :)
Well so far it hasn't been much besides some poems.

From 8th grade:
What could you possibly expect
Of someone you don't even know?
Since you are obviously unaware
That I have always been the one
To sit and wonder,
To sit and wait,
To sit alone.

Short and not written very well, but I feel it's something I could expand on?


Fear, is killing me inside.
Fear of the dark
Fear of bathtubs
Fear of the rice cooker lid falling upon my hand
Fear of bees
Fear of dead animals
Fear of holes and bumps
Fear of letting me be me
Fear of answering and guessing things incorrectly
Fear of being yelled at
Fear of what others think
Fear of being touched
Fear of treating others badly
Fear of the would being out to get me
Fear of no one understanding
Fear of giving bad impressions
Fear of letting people hear my voice
Fear of opening up
Fear of expressing my feelings aloud
Fear of criticism
Fear of what hides from me
Fear of letting my guard down
Fear of losing anything and anyone
PARANOIA.
of the world that lies outside of
my own head.
Of being myself.


I need to write poetry.
It's been so long.
And I am at complete disbelief.
You.
You are all that resides in my mind.
My brain has been driven away.
Only you.
No rhymes to share.
No emotions which I am able to express.
No thoughts I can put
Into something beautiful.
I try.
And fail.
For you have prevailed.
I want.
And need.
But cannot succeed.



Yep. :D