eyes are as red as the sun.

Oh it's been getting so hard,
Living with the things you do to me.
My dreams are getting so strange;
I'd like to tell you everything I see.






There's not anything particular which I want to center this post around; I'm just rather bored and figured I should start blogging a bit more, lest I forget any feelings, thoughts or events which I might want to remember in the future.
So, greetings (:

Hm, yesterday was our last meet, against Stuart, and it was home. Thus, a few of my friends decided to come :D Calvin, Tiff, Jansen, Reggie, Samantha, and Tom I think it was? Erin was there too, but I wasn't aware of her coming~
Anyway! Sorry you guys had to sit through that in stuffy, crowded settings. I think I should've told you that Leah & I's events were within the last portion of the whole meet xD
And I don't want to hear this "you did great" stuff anymore, because I know I didn't because by the time I got out the other lanes were much ahead of us and at the end when Haley had to do a 50 all alone...she was saying "I feel so embarassed, seriously." And seemed so pissed off and I couldn't even bring myself to look at her for I was feeling so bad..and frightened.
Nonetheless, [and thank god that] my contribution to the team was small enough to be insignificant, and the girls won anyway (:
Unfortunately, the boys lost...and the total points from both sides added together contributed to a total loss to Stuart ><

You know in all honesty, though, I don't get extremely tired or worn out quickly...and the only thing that slows me down is my damn breathing. I don't know if it's because I might have inherited a small case of ashtma from my mom (doubtful, but she seems to think it possible), or that I just have small lungs with small capacity or...I don't know. But I lost the ability to breathe so quickly, even after a short 25 sprint my lungs want to explode.
Same reason I can't hold a note in a song...hm. Sounds like excuses, excuses.
..."Excuses are like buttholes; everyone has one." -Mr. Faust :D

When I stay home all day on weekends like I did today...I mean, it's a freaking Saturday, for Christ's sake...I never say "Christ's sake" O_O
Like I was saying, when this happens, I often wonder if my friends are out doing anything. They usually are...I wonder what they're up to right now...and if they are, though I'm not accusing them...I wonder if they thought to invite me? Or maybe it's for the best. And I can say to myself, "Who said they wanted you there in the first place, Vy-Anh? Ever wonder WHY they don't invite you? Don't be so arrogant and filled with your foolishly high expectations."
Sometimes when they do invite me, I can't go or don't want to, and when it's that situation, I feel okay. Pathetically enough, it's a way I can console myself. But when it's like this and I don't know anything happened until later when someone says "Oh the other day was so much fun when we did blah blah blah...! Wasn't it fun Vy-Anh? ...Oh yeah, you weren't there...I thought you were!", I feel...um...not as great.
Haha, sorry for complaining. I always think that someone shouldn't complain if they're not going to do something about it.
But don't think I'm being hypocritical. I don't usually call myself a hypocrite because often, when I say these negative things about others that in truth apply to myself, I am acknowledging the fact that they DO apply to me.

I mean, I complain but don't do anything about it all the time.
I complain that my heart beats twice as fast and my thoughts run away and my throat closes up when it comes to public speaking or answering questions or guessing, but I don't even try to improve myself in that area I'm so freaked.
I complain about the future and occupations and school and such when I'm lazy and put no effort into working or preparing for those types of things...and I procrastinate.
I complain about my lungs when I don't even do those breathing exercises people always reccomend.
And I complain when I don't get invited places when I never plan anything out and invite people myself...when I sometimes refuse invitations anyway and don't want to bother asking if they're doing anything because I have a fear of inviting myself.

That's okay.

I think about humans...and how the average human won't admit to themself their most obvious flaws. It is very common...almost inevitable to find selfishness in a human. And I admit this fully- I am selfish. Too selfish, most times. I think that people need to better clarify their actions and see the bad things they sometimes blindly do. I know it's unintentional; I'm not speaking to anyone particularly, and I don't blame anyone. It's human. So I think more people should accept their humanity :D
Because I see the things you guys do when you don't. I see what I do when I don't realize it until it's done.
Again with this subject of humans...what silly creatures.

I think I'm off to watch a movie with the family...perhaps I'll continue this post later? Perhaps not.
I'm reading Watchmen right now...and I love how it's hard to stop reading and goes by quickly enough that I feel like I'm making progress...if you guys haven't read a comic book, I highly recommend doing so...it's like watching a movie, but I can assure you- much better.