no day but today.

There's only now,
There's only here,
Give into love,
Or live in fear.





I should work on my homework!
Because I have swim practice at 3:45-5:15...and I figured I'd go straight to Samantha's house from there, because I might sleepover @ Tina's? And then I also figured I'd go straight to swim practice again the next day...because idk, no point in going home for probably only three hours xD
And then I have dryland so I won't be home until Tuesday night @ 7 PM? And I won't have any time left to do my homework D:
I'll start my homeowrk after I write this blog!
But I need to go to the bathroom first, brb :D

Alright.
So, lately I've been a bit of bitch, and I apologize.
Idk if you've seen it, but I think so?
I never want to do anything anymore, or talk to anyone or go anywhere. I won't pick up the phone no matter who it is, or call them back if I see a missed call, and like I said, I'm sorry for that...I'd feel content just staying at home for days reading. That's what I've been doing. I've been rejecting invitations simply because I just don't feel like dealing with people anymore. Even if you guys are my friends. I think you're my friends.
I don't know.
It's very weird; I just can't see myself having fun if I go out, so I see no point? Maybe it has something to do with the whole "we never do anything fun anymore it's so routine and boring" thing that makes me not want to bother?
Two four day weekends in a row and I barely go out during them. That's so unlike me. I barely have any pictures or videos for the month of January because I've just wanted to stay home. You'd think all this freetime would lead to good grades. But my grades are just worse this quarter. I'm afraid of getting my report card. I probably failed my history midterm, but I was too afraid to ask...so I don't even know how I did xD
Well, yesterday I went out to Sam's for a musical night...and it was...uh, alright? For the first time, I'm worried this human hating thing isn't just a phase this time...or if it is, it's lasting too long. Humans are still pissing me off constantly, and I don't know what to do about it. I enjoyed having tea...and singing :]
Otherwise, it was alright, like I said.
But even though I never want to hang out anymore, I still do worry that by staying home, I'm not "living my life to the fullest," or whatever. So I decided I should start going out again, maybe I can make it fun? They said something about a rave...but I don't think it's a real rave, and I don't think I'm really into watching my friends spin a ton of lights around in an amateur matter, no offense. Just not really entertaining, especially after I've seen so much of it :P
Like I said, I feel like I'm being a bitch lately xD

To be honest, I can't wait to move.
Naive and hopelessly wishful as it is, I feel as if by moving, everything will turn around and be better again. It's stupid, but it seems like such a plausible solution.
Well, I just wanted to let that out.
To explain my actions, sort of....I'll try to go out more though :]




CLT: I feel like I've forgotten how to blog.