Don't you dare say that I'm "taking this out on all males" because of you.
I even said it's been something I've thought for a while.
As if you're the only guy who does this;
All guys do, and they always have!
As if it's all because of "your mistakes."
Arrogant.
You're not the only one.
If you think about it, it's not that hard to figure out what "girls" are getting mad at you for;
I never even said I was mad at you.
I was just ranting about guys in general, because they can be jerks.
Why did you have to take it directly towards you
& think that you're the sole reason for my thoughts
Because that's not true.
How self-centered.

[I'm sorry I'm so mean]

Tiff wrote something on her blog that I've been thinking a lot about too.

"Be careful with people's emotions."

I say this to everyone, but particularly guys. Sometimes I wonder if it is merely because males are so conceited, or whether it's quite the opposite; that you're so low in self-esteem that you need a way to feel better about yourself. Because it's much more common to hear a guy say, "I'm awesome," or "I'm hot," or compliment themselves than it is to hear a girl say that, in my opinion. At least, from my experience. And it's a constant thing that I watch occur, guys calling girls "fat" or "ugly" and it's terrible, really. Because girls have extremely low self-esteems. Much lower that guys do. And girls don't put down guys most of the time, so why do you do it to us?
Unless guys really do just want to make themselves feel better, I say to you that you have no idea how much it hurts girls more than you know, how self-conscious it makes them. Saying that you don't like their hair or what they're wearing? It's not something people want to hear. Why be so honestly blunt? It's not necessary. -_- I would understand if they asked you for an opinion and you didn't want to lie. But don't bring it up if you don't have to. Where's your reasoning? Like in Bambi, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." Girls don't do that; girls are considerate. And if guys really ARE as self-concious as girls, I would expect you to understand how it feels to be insulted.
Don't do it. Pisses me off too. Both to see it and have it happen to me.

the cadence of what she says is well

I'll think I'll copy Jansen and start recording all my favorite lyrics :D
[I've always wanted to collect them anyway, why not do it on my blog]

"You won't have to strain to look into my eyes. I'll be your winter coat, buttoned and zipped straight to the throat with the collar up, so you won't catch a cold."
-Brand New Colony by The Postal Service

"If you cut me I suppose I would bleed the colors of the evening sky."
-The Technicolor Phase by Owl City

"Take us high to sing the world goodbye...
My darling, we're both on the wing, look out and keep on singing and we can go anywhere."
-On the Wing by Owl City

"People talking without speaking; people hearing without listening; people writing songs that no one ever shared."
-The Sound of Silence by Simon & Garfunkel

"How many ears must one man have before he can hear people cry? And how many deaths will it take 'til he knows that too many people have died? The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind."
-Blowin' in the Wind by Bob Dylan

"And when no hope was left inside on that starry, starry night, you took your life as lovers often do. But I could have told you, Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you."
-Starry Starry Night by Don Mclean

"I'm a war of head versus heart, and it's always this way. My head is weak; my heart always speaks before I know what it will say."
-Crooked Teeth by Death Cab For Cutie

"But there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade, and now that it's gone, it's like it wasn't there at all, and here I rest where disappointment and regret collide, lying awake at night."
-Title and Registration by Death Cab For Cutie

"Remember, whatever, it seems like forever ago. The regrets are useless in my mind- she's in my head. I must confess; and in the darkest nights, if my memory serves me right, I'll never turn back time.."
-Whatsername by Green Day

"Take away the sensation inside; bittersweet migraine in my head. It's like a throbbing toothache of the mind."
-Give Me Novocaine by Green Day

"One light, one mind flashing in the dark, blinded by the silence of a thousand broken hearts."
-Minority by Green Day

"I'm gonna stand up; I'm gonna let go. You know, you know, no, you don't, you don't. I'm gonna shine on in the hearts of men."
-All These Things That I've Done by The Killers

"When you find yourself in the thick of it, help yourself to a bit of what is all around you."
-Martha My Dear by The Beatles

"Love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight."
-I'm Looking Through You by The Beatles

"Half of what I say is meaningless, but I say it just to reach you."
-Julia by The Beatles

"And when the broken-hearted people living in the world agree, there will be an answer- let it be."
-Let It Be by The Beatles

"With our love we could change the world. If they only knew."
-Within You Without You by The Beatles

"Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us and the world will live as one."
-Imagine by John Lennon

Hmm it's about 12 now, so I should go to sleep. Gotta wake up early tomorrow for an Empire State Building tour and a ferry cruise and shopping and then I get to see that "Stomp" show...you know with the trash cans and stuff. I'm in NYC, btw. xD
Maybe I'll add more later :)

on a more positive note-

People don't know what they do. The way the can change things with one simple action- with one small movement, one word.

I lied when I told you that I'd only miss a select few people, because a while ago, when I found out I was moving, I said I felt like I had nothing to miss, but Tom, you changed that. I hope you can feel the happiness that I feel when I help someone or give something when you read this. Two nights out having a lot of fun, all thanks to you, and now I know it's more than a select few people. I know I'll miss this. These nights. Who knows what we'll do in the summer...but all this is worth so much to me. For a period of time, I had honestly forgotten how much I enjoyed spending time with you guys, but Tom, you sparked it back up again. And I remember it, and I will miss it.
So I am sorry for everything I've said, so rashly. I'm being much too rash lately.

And the things people have said about my baking, causing me to bake more.
What they've said about my poetry, causing me to write more.
What they've said about my photography, making me more enthused.

These simple words and actions which can change everything.
Just as I said before, about how things can change in an instant-

For both good and bad, apparently.....

start living life before we die.

Go roll down that window.
Go crank up that radio.
Let's drive until we hit the sky.
It's not about where we will go...



My heart aches so much right now.
There are a thousand things I'd like to say but how do I get them out all at once?
Let's start with square one.
Last night I was telling myself I didn't care if you never spoke to me again. I didn't regret what I'd done. And this morning I woke up and felt like it had all been a dream. The entirety of yesterday never happened and when I checked in my diary, there would've been no entry on this, and when I checked your blog, those posts wouldn't have been there.
But it's all still here.
I don't really know what I think now- I guess I really must still have some fragment of a heart left inside of me, because I still can't bring myself to say what I want to say out loud. Is it because I'm afraid to hurt you? I think so...
Even after Tiff told me that we all should've let you know what was going on...we should've talked about the situation, before it came to this; this abrupt stop. This sudden change that might not have the ability to be undone.
It's interesting how things can change in an instant, because the instant I decided to stay in Tom's car, I think a lot of things just switched on and off right there. Turned around.
Calvin's right, Jansen, you really need to take this in from everyone's point of view.
Not just yours.
You have no idea.

...I suppose I'll go on with the things I need to let out later........


[PS: Vincent, you were right. Blogging really is just a pathetic method of telling people what you want to tell them because you're too much of a wimp to say it out loud. I don't have the ability to let myself do that yet. I'm not sure I ever will.]