stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face,
When you lose something you can't replace;
When you love someone but it goes to waste...
Could it be worse?





Hmm, Vincent, I don't know about this.
Even though you won't read this...I find it interesting that you think I'm the reason everyone started to blog D: I think Tiff and you had a blog before me...xD
Who knows, Jansen listened to you...maybe you'll be my counter and turn everything around and make everyone stop blogging.
Well I hope I don't come off as trying to "tell you off", to you guys.
I realized my last post sounds extremely self-centered, and I forgot to mention I don't blame anyone for all that! It was a failure on all our parts. Because I know how Tom says he's feeling, and it frustrates me that you guys were blaming it on him, because how can you leave it all up to him to come up with ideas and know what we should do and take us there? You kept saying that his ideas were boring and that you didn't want to do them- but did you come up with anything to do instead? I don't understand, honestly. :\

You're right about one thing though, Vincent.
A lot of people tell me they know me better through my blog than in real life. This saddens me, because it is pathetic, but I keep my blog for three sole reasons, really.
1. Because typing is so much faster than writing by hand
2. So that I don't have to let Calvin borrow my diary or read it out loud to him every time I write an entry
3. ...I love the way my Tumblr looks, and I enjoy pretty websites xD

I don't know about you, but I could NEVER stop reading other people's blogs! I hate not knowing how my friends are feeling, how they've been, what's gone on in their life that maybe they want to talk about. Because it really doesn't make any sense to bring up your problems out of the blue in a conversation, and especially now that a lot of people are in to blogging, I absolutely adore reading what they have to say. I find humans so fascinating, and especially the people I'm close to are so enjoyable to read from.
So I beg you guys to not follow Vincent, because I hope you know I've probably read every single word on every single post of yours. So I don't want to hear any of that "no one's going to read this" crap! :D

...On the other hand, quite alternatively, I've been feeling very fed up with most of my "close" friends. More and more and more lately. It's constantly increasing, and every single action they do is beginning to piss me off for no reason. I'd say misanthrope, but it's not, because I love everyone else.
The people I feel as if I'm going to miss the most are the ones I never hang out with, like Cristian, Sasmit, Jonah, Dao and Earvin. Maybe I just need a break from the VSA kids.

Oh, and Jason! I don't know about the word "crew" either. It's just something Tom used the other day.

melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.

& I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes,
But if the silence takes you,
Then I hope it takes me too.
So brown eyes I hold you near
`Cause you’re the only song I want to hear.

Could last night have been any more pointless?

So here’s a summary!

Okay so I was bored all day, downloading music and such, and then Tiff suggested we do something…and after a ton of complaining and unecessary but light drama and discussion and all that stuff I hate, we decided on Vincent’s house, sleepover at Sam’s, and then do something in the morning.
At Vincent’s, we played Mario Party, and then Robert picked Jansen up, and Tom took Tiff, Sam & I home. And we sung Disney songs in the car!
When we got to Sam’s, we realized we could’ve just stayed out because her parents weren’t home. So Tom picked us up again and we drove around, still singing disney songs. And then we got back to Sam’s just as her mom was coming back…but fail, we were locked out of her house xD We ended up saying we were taking a walk because the house was too hot?
We sat around and complained about the incomprehensible cuteness of a stuffed animal cell phone holder pig thing…and fell asleep.
Up until this point the night had been pretty fun.
Around 4 AM, Sam woke Tiff & I up, saying Robert was on the way to pick us up, and this confused me because I thought Tom’d pick us up. Anyway! FOR SOME REASON, Sam says they’re going to pick us up at Vinh Kee, so we WALK to Vinh Kee at 4 AM, just woken up, in the cold and the rain, God damnit.
…When he could’ve just picked us up @ Sam’s?! POINTLESS #1.
So once we get to Vinh Kee, no one’s there to pick us up. Sam calls Robert, and turns out they hadn’t even left yet! NEVER AGAIIIIIIIN.
We had to wait…and you know who ended up coming to pick us up?! TOM. IT MAKES NO SENSEEEee
Disney songs still playing. Robert, Vincent and Jansen are following us in Robert’s car, and we decide to go to IHOP, because much earlier, Tiff said we should have some 4 AM IHOP. We get there. And we ask, so who’s eating? And no one’s hungry. No one would’ve bought anything had we gone inside. POINTLESS # 2.
So Tom decides to try a car chase tag scavenger hunt type thing.
We go to some bakery, hoping Robert & them don’t find us, but they do. We stand outside the bakery for quite a while, trying to figure out what to do because Robert and them say that this is boring, and that they don’t want to look for us or follow us again, because they didn’t enjoy it. And you know what? We did it again anyway. POINTLESS# 3.
It didn’t really make any sense that we didn’t get a headstart or anything, because they just followed us around town for like half an hour. POINTLESS #4.
We ended up going to Harris Teeter [why?!?!] because Tom said he wanted “boxes,” but then the cereal was too expensive so we just left. POINTLESS #5.
Then we’re like, what do we do now? We drive for soooo long, to where David lives and other places…and then we just go back to Vincent’s. & Vincent says “I don’t see why we didn’t just go here in the first place.” AND THEN YOU KNOW WHAT. I’m sitting downstairs listening to them talk about Tom and it sounds like they’re blaming him, and you know what they decide? Jansen says “Wanna go on an adventure?” And I ask “Where?” “An Adventure!” THEY DECIDE TO GO EAT AT IHOP.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
POINTLESS # 6.
But Tiff and I refuse to go to IHOP. While we try to decide on something, Robert decides to drive in circles around lamposts and all over the schoolgrounds of both Fairfax & Woodson High Schools. Wtf? POINTLESS # 7.
We eventually decided on Denny’s. I fall asleep in the car, and awaken to see we’ve arrived at Denny’s, and then Tiff says, “Never mind. Just drive.” And we leave Denny’s, after such a loooooong drive there for no reasonnn ;_; POINTLESS # 8.
I fall back alseep again. I awaken and it’s more than a hour later, and we’ve been driving for THAT long. So sad. We go back into Sam’s house, and we all crash on the couches.
I applaud us.

PS: Though it’s pathetic to admit, I kind of think this wouldn’t have frustrated me as much as it did if it weren’t for one thing. So, my friends- meaning Tom, Tiff, Sam, Tina, Robert, David and Vincent and etc.- who Tom calls “the crew,” meaning the people who he hangs out with…they go on “adventures,” which Samantha always tells me about, and they sound really fun- they go out driving to random places and do interesting things early in the morning [12-7 AMish], and then they all tell me stories about it. But I’ve never been on one. So we were all hoping to have an adventure last night/this morning, and I was feeling kind of excited that maybe I’d finally get to experience one, since I was the only one who never went with them…but then it didn’t work. I feel like it’s because of me. As I wrote in an earlier post, I feel like no one at this school really pays notice to me, or wants me around, except Calvin, when he was still here. But now he’s gone…

And I cannot wait to move.

i just wanna see you looking at me.

You’ll make biscuits and I’ll make tea.
We’ll curl up close and then fall asleep
To the sound...
Of no one else,
No else around.





Look at this nonsense:

"Everything is just going wrong nowadays; the 'group' is supposedly drifting apart."
"Rumors started to spread and thus led to severed relationships."
"The reason why I would say I'm sad, is because my friends are sad."
"Someone is always causing drama, or being blamed for causing it. We're all so distant."
"So lately I don't feel very close to my friends and that's just my fault."
"Some are too block-headed and start up shit."
"Everybody is leaving and nobody is fighting to pull us together."

Do you hear this? These excerpts I've collected, they're words from our friends! Yours, and mine. And you know who they're all talking about? Us! We are the cause of all this sadness, this depression, these rumors, arguments, anger, all this that we constantly complain about. You say we're falling apart, you say things need to change, but are you doing anything about it? It's only us! Us being the stupid angst-driven teenagers we are. Causing not only unnecessary, but also excessive drama all the time! C'mon, grow up. Be happy. Appreciate what we have while we still have it.
Please.

Tiffany Camp once said:
"Only by looking back do we appreciate what we had."

born to gaze into night skies.

You don't know how long I've been
Watching the lantern dim,
Starved of oxygen.
So, give me your hand
And let's jump out the window.






Oh god. What will come out of this continuous procrastination of homework, Vy-Anh?

I thank Vickie & Jansen for this. I think it's an interesting idea. But unfortunately I discovered I can't tell you any names or anything if I'm going to tell you about my life for the past year. I'm sorry. You're just going to have to deal. Most of the things that happen to me are things involving other people; people I can't just reveal the lives of without their consent.
So the bolded words are changed names.

One year ago was around the time I started liking Green Scratch. He had a girlfriend. But he started liking me back too. Wrote me a poem, in letter form, which he slipped in my locker. Was the first time I'd had that happen. Many firsts within the last year. He and his girlfriend went on a break, and eventually broke up. I felt bad about it. Guilty.
School ended, my GPA miserably low. I was having issues with depression, having dreams about drugs. Went to my good friend Alice about it, asking about these drugs. She encouraged it, said they'd help me, as I thought they would.
First day of summer, told my mom I was sleeping over at Alice's house. First time sneaking out and staying out all night. Had my first taste of weed, but it didn't do much. Had three ecstasy pills, and this did do much. First taste of beer, Smirnoff Ice, still my favorite to this day. Snuck out to a pool, went to a park. Green Scratch and I hit it off in the dirt next to a creek in a forest. Second base, which, sadly, is the farthest I've gone, mind you. Felt ecstatic [obviously], happy, and all those other effects you read about which involve X. Went back to his house, kissed him goodbye. Felt even more depressed after the effects wore off. Insecure. Suicidal. Wanted to vomit, but had nothing to throw up- I hadn't eaten for the past 24 hours.
And so that was the night that changed my life. Everything completely transformed from then on.
That night was the first bonfire at Sam's. Expecting Green Scratch and I to somehow be together-ish? Still felt sick, didn't eat anything, and eventually fell asleep. Woke up to have Tyler tell me that Green Scratch had been cuddling with one of my best friends, Squack, all night. Great. Spent the rest of the day making pancakes, then sleeping.
Summer went on, as if nothing happened. Had way too much fun, went out EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. No exageration. Pentagon City. DC. Sleepovers. Power Outages. Monopoly @ McDonald's. Fairfax Fair. Rave2Save. Swimming. The Mall.
Liz and I sleptover at Sam's, and we snuck out to go swimming in the middle of the night at the LaFayette Village pool with Vincent, Anna, Daniel, Amy, Jason and Tom. And then IHOP at 3 AM. Fun :]
Everything was fun, really. I couldn't be happier. Not possibly.
And then all of a sudden, Rice Cooker [LOL for those who know who this is, I didn't know what else to call him] decided to throw a party. My first drinking party. And coincidentially, my mom was out of town that weekend, so I had my friends sleepover and we went out. It was fun. First taste of vodka, and first game of beer pong. More time spent with Green Scratch, and we went up to Rice Cooker's room, to be alone...until two of my friends decided it wasn't a good idea and made us get out. Later that night, Green Scratch was all over Squack again, just like at the bonfire.
Even though we talked about it, that was all that happened between us, but a lot has happened between them two since. He called us, and his ex, his "options," and this is probably what made me stop liking him. I thought it was a very jerk thing to say. Still do. He's been bouncing back and forth between his ex and Squack, and it's not my problem anymore. Sorry.
So that would be another first. My first summer fling?
I spent a week in Texas. Day in DC was fail. Atlantic City was absolutely amazing; what we still call probably the most fun we had all summer. Asian Festival too.
Rice Cooker held another party, and I learned never to play Vodka pong, because you'll end up with absolutely no control or remembrance of what happened. This is when I got caught, and grounded. From then on, I didn't do anything until school began, besides shop, alone, and attend our end of the year bonfire, which was not as much fun as the first, but still something. Maybe that was a sign of the death of our group to come.
No regrets. Regretting isn't worth it. The best summer of my life so far, and I don't plan on forgetting it.
School began, my GPA up again, A & B honor roll ever since. But social life started to go downhill. We've had two more parties since the start of the school year, one which I spent just chilling out and not having much, and the other which I spent sleeping. Homecoming dinner was one of the most fun nights I've had during 10th grade. Along with the musical nights, matching Thursdays, football games, Trung Thu, Cho Tet, GMU, spirit weeks, tailgate, DC again, days spent afterschool, the haunted house, the plays, more dinners, birthdays, christmas & new years parties, raves, sneaking out, board games, movies.
I joined the swim team and it got me fit and healthy, but I'm decreasing in that department ever since it ended. Tyler and Calvin moved, and Liz transferred. Next year all of my senior friends will be in colleges, Jason and I are moving, too.
Things are alright. Boring as ever. Nothing's been the same since sophomore year began, and I've forgotten why I bother getting up each morning, why my friends meant so much to me, how I used to be so happy and have so much fun. I hear the songs that remind me of those times and I begin to tear up. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. And I don't know if it's possible for you guys to miss it as much as I do. But I hope I'm not alone in this desire. This desire to make things the way they used to be. I miss the times we shared. I wrote about this on my Tumblr. How now, everyone is depressed, or whining, complaining, stubborn, reluctant, or just completely broken apart from our group. We used to just be happy with what we had, appreciated life, lived it to the fullest, found fun in everything we could, tried to make it last. My life has been dull ever since, so I don't want to bore you guys anymore.

-edited- I want to list the names of all the people that have been at the parties, just for fun. See if you can decipher who's who? It's funny to see what nicknames I can come up with. So far I've already got a lot of comments on "Rice Cooker" xD
Me, Rice Cooker, Alice, Griffin Boy, Squack, Green Scratch, Shang, Any, Mocha Frappuchino, Shtick, Black Dildos, Poop, M-O, Default and WRYYYY.
LOL I love my choices. Try to figure it out! :DDD

In three days, I don't ask for much. I've been going along just fine like this, because I know I'm moving next year, and I hope I can find that fun again. That excitement. Something new. I'm sorry for everything you guys, I know it's terrible to say I can't wait to leave you, but I can't lie. Maybe, if anything, I want us to come back together again, and have fun this Saturday? I miss us.

If you read this then write your own story, One year ago till today. then include what you want to do 3 days from today. and paste this at the end of your blog so everyone else can do it.

when the elephants arrive.

The ornaments look pretty,
But they're pulling down the branches of the tree.
I don't want to think about it;
I don't want to talk about it.
When I kiss your lips,
I want to sink down to the bottom of the sea.







I think I'll keep the Tumblr and make posts on it everyday, but save this blog for my long, extensive stories.

This blog also serves the purpose of following other blogs, because Tumblr can only follow other Tumblrs, and I like to make sure I'm up to date with your guys' blogs too :D

What I really enjoy about Tumblr is basically the appearance it holds compared to the dull, simple design of blogspot. My Tumblr is much pretttier, so you should probably go check it out. I can't really do much on here, but write. Posting photos is too much of a hassle on here; it's much easier on Tumblr. I can also posts music and videos there too :D


I decided to make a Tumblr while I was stumbling, and I was brought to this site:
http://brokenmachine.tumblr.com/

I think it looks pretty damn sweet.