the world was crashing down around her.

I sink now to the ocean floor,
because I know we are more-
but I've made this mess,
I've built this fire;
Are you still mine?

God, the Used are so freaking beast. I can't stop listening to them~
Hospital! Paralyzed! Earthquake! Oh, yum.
So, while in Texas, I realize who's told me they miss me, and how they're the people I care about the most. They would be;
-My mom
-Calvin
-Samantha
-Earvin
-Vincent
And I'm sure my dog misses me too :D
I really want to go back to Virginia. I really miss everyone. Like, really. I want to be home with my mother and Chase...
This morning I was starving, but I only had a choice of "oyster soup" as lunch ;_; And I was so not in the mood for seafood...that would make me vomit. I'm very picky. I'll always be hungry, but everything sounds so unappetizing. I don't think my stomach will take it. One of the things I miss is how my mother will put up with my hunger complaints but refusal to eat what we have. I miss the way she'll make or get anything I'm craving for...Whereas if I told my dad and his girlfriend that I don't want to eat what they give me, they'd yell at me...
I've also been taking refuge to my room. I'm locked in here all day, because I'm so afraid that my dad's roommates will try to talk to me. I can't stand them. Older people...like teachers or cashiers and waiters...the ones I must deal with. But if I can avoid it, I'd so rather stay in here than be forced to mingle.
Yesterday afternoon, I went to Barnes & Noble, and I got:
The Red Badge of Courage - Stephen Crane
Slaughterhouse-Five - Kurt Vonnegut
Red Badge of Courage is so short! It's like only 128 pgs? That would be like the shortest book I've read in years D: That's good though, `cause it's my assigned summer reading book, if you didn't know.
And Slaughterhouse-Five gives me a very Catcher in the Rye vibe. Well, so far. I'm also reading A Wolf at the Table - Augusten Burroughs. And I have The Da Vinci Code and Inkheart and Twilight and The Kite Runner to read...because they're all movies I hope to watch, and as you may know, I don't watch movies that are based on books unless I've read the book first ^^
I get frustrated because there are so, so, so many books I wish to read. Too many. And writers insist on continuing to write more and more for me to read, and how will I ever complete my list...if they keep on supplying me with so many great options?!
I start on like up to nine books at once and torture my mind...it's so confusing sometimes, especially similar books. Like, Slaughterhouse-Five and Red Badge of Courage are both war books, and I definitely should NOT attempt to conquer them both within the same period, because I would have no idea what's going on...they'd be very easy to mix up. I might just go crazy.
I couldn't even decide on which book to buy today. I was gonna buy Mark Twain or Jane Austen, but I decided that could wait until my reading level was a bit more matured, so I thought about getting Me Talk Pretty One Day - David Sedaris? But I realized that was more of a collection of short stories, and I'm not really into those. And then I was going to get Franny and Zooey - J.D. Salinger, but Slaughterhouse-Five had a more appealing cover xD
Don't judge a book by it's cover?
I do.
But literally, not metaphorically.
Books are the only thing I'll judge by cover, hah.
Call me a nerd if you wish...
I love books though. Immensely. D:
Um. What else was on my mind...
Oh. I need to talk to you. I hope you know that. But I don't know how to bring it up. I don't know when. Thinking about it makes my insides ache. Earvin says I need to stop being a dreamer, and he's right. I expected too much. Even when I knew I shouldn't have...At first, I didn't believe it. But as time went on, and things happened, and my expectations grew higher and higher, they only grew more vulnerable to being let down and disappointed.
How could I have been so stupid?

Gah.
I Will Possess Your Heart - Death Cab for Cutie
ttfn~

so sweet and clear.

but you're not really here,
it's just the radio...

Ah. This post was quite soon after :P
I just. I guess even though there are many things I dislike about blogging, I still love it deep inside. I like the feeling I get after I finish a post. And the feeling I get when I look over and read my past posts...I have to promise myself not to delete this blog. If i really don't want to blog anymore, I'll just take a break and return to my journal.
Hm.
Calvin sent me this:
http://www.eightprinciples.com/
and I feel as if it's talking straight towards me.
How self-centered D:
But really, it's all the things I need to do...it applies so incredibly perfectly to me.
Or, it's just that that's how I feel about a lot lately...like song lyrics, it's as if they're written to describe how I feel.
How self-centered D:
Maybe I need to follow those principles! That'd be nice if i could...it just seems like a lot of effort xD
BECAUSE I AM SO FREAKING LAZY LATELY.
IT'S TERRIBLE.
Really though, it's so bad...I feel reluctant to do nearly anything...
Lethargy~

Hm. So I tried to sort my priorities out.
That didn't work out so well.

Now I am on the phone with Calvinnn.
We were dancing! hahahahah
He said that's how I'd find myself.
Do a little dance~
Make a little love~
GET DOWN TONIGHT!
Hellz yeeeeeeeah :]
And then I was drawing weird scenarios from his headd~
Like accordian-playing sharks?!
Ah, where would I be without Calvin?
D:
"Lost in a desert, probably." says he.

Lottery Winners on Acid - The Crimea
lol, weird song. But will always bring Samantha to mind C:
OH NOES. MORE OF THOSE FACES.
Maybe it's Sam, manipulating meee~
Even those squigglies.
It's like how she got Tom and Amy into that "hands on hips" thing xD

i'm on my way.

Things are shaping up to be pretty odd;
Little deaths in musical beds,
So it seems I'm someone I've never met.


HELLO AGAIN. :]
Ah, well calvin nags me to recreate my blog, so here it is.
If you were wondering (which you most likely weren't), the reason I deleted my blog last time is because when I have a blog, it distracts me from writing in my journal. I wouldn't mind if I didn't prefer writing in my journal though, because i have less restrictions in my journal, because only certain people read it..whereas anyone could see my blog, and I am kept from letting everything out. D: But I will try to balance it out.
Also, I guess i was feeling very down and fed up with the world, and when that happens, I feel a need to do something big that I can't go back on. And deleting all the writing I've put into this blog would qualify (which I now regret, because that meant forever losing all the things I was hoping to save ;_;). And my indecisiveness causes my head to ache when I debate over whether or not I should tell everyone certain things or I should just keep them to myself. And that happens a lot.
GR. I WANT MY OLD POSTS BACK -_-
Stupid vyanh.
Anyway! Last thing: if you recall, when I first started this blog, I stated that I always create blogs and delete them soon after? Well, yeah. Here's proof. Haha, there are too many reasons that I do this for. My indecisiveness, being one. And well, I always keep things in because I feel like an annoyance and an attention whore if I complain and bring my problems up. But on the other hand, when I don't let things out for a long period of time, I need even more to vent in the long-run.
Do you get what I'm saying?
Probably not.
Sometimes I worry that the way my mind works will only ever make sense to me.

Another reason I don't like blogging;
I write too much. Even if I have very little on my mind, I have a way of ranting on and on and on and expanding my thoughts out into endless speeches and well, I can't control myself. I'm not a good writer unless I use more space than required. In projects and essays, I always write way too much, and have serious trouble cutting down the size of my pieces.
See already, this is quite a long post D:

With all my old posts losttt~
I guess it's back to the drawing board. (that's how the phrase goes, right?)

SO, A LOT'S CHANGED SINCE LAST TIME WE SPOKE.
Oh dear.
haha, wellllllll...
In case you didn't know, lately I've been a thousand times happier and I feel so free & comfortable.
Everything's just been so amazing.
Life's good.
Life's great.
I'm great.
:D

You may know why ;D
or you might not.
You're welcome to ask if you'd like ^^

Lalalalalala
The only thing I'm missing now is confidence!
So, if i just lose a little weight...
and then everything will be near perfect :3
GAH. THAT FACE.

OOOOKAY,
I'll tune in latoooorz.
Bounce - Tune Up!
(I found the song, Anna! :D)

...My stomach's acting up again.
I think it's Texas.